Monday, January 18, 2016

My ED story. I'm writing this here as I want Teens to know how hard it is to live with an EATING DISORDER.

Wow!!! Has it been almost three years since I wrote anything here? Yep, looks that way! My son will be sixteen in March! Big change there as that was the age that I hit my first big down spiral and my Eating disorder took on a mind of its own, so to speak. That's when ED (as I call my eating disorder) started talking to me. I'd hear "Don't eat that or you'll get fat," or "You can't have that because you have already had your daily calorie intake for the day." I'd weight myself constantly and every time I looked in the mirror I would see this "fat" person. I started wearing bigger clothing so no one would notice my weight loss. I don't know how nobody really noticed until I got to college.
It was one of my boyfriends that noticed. I told him that the only way I would go to the hospital was if he and his best friend would take me. He was wrapped around my little finger. I had to drop out for the semester as I had missed so much by the time I got out of the hospital and wait for the next time it started back up. This was December 1998, February 1999, Business Administration started I had been taking Office Administration but when I went back to school in February I talked to the career counselor and told him I wanted to switch to Business. He let me, I was so much happier. My eating was still not the best but if I self talked before I ate or ate mechanically I could do it.
About a month later, I was on the bus on my way to my apartment and my heart jump out of my chest (not literally) when I seen my ex-boyfriend from my hometown. This was a Wednesday. Friday my friends and I had plans to go to the club that the University had under it. What a surprise I got when about 6 or 7 people ahead of me was my ex. At this point I still wasn't over him. We had left our relationship on good terms and the only reason why we had broken up was that he was moving due to university courses not offered in our hometown. I left my friends and said that I knew the two guys 6 or 7 people ahead and that I would be right back I was just going up to talk to them. Well, I kind of left my friends in a lurch and spent the night drinking and chatting it up with my ex and his friend. I also ended up back at his dorm room instead of mine.
After that, I ended up at his dorm more than mine more often than not. That was until May, he told me that he was going for his work term starting in June so I started to slowly distance myself. I guess I shouldn't have because he had lied. I started to see this other guy and anyways he always used protection and I had sex with him about one week before I seen my ex for the last time sexually anyways. He didn't have any protection left but he told me that he knew when to pulled out (girls - well guys too I'm going to tell you now this DOES NOT work.).
Three weeks later I was a week late and still waiting so I got a pregnancy test. It came back positive. I made a doctor's appointment and her's came back positive as well so I had to get a full blood panel. Let me tell you, for someone who is afraid of needles, I hated this and passed out on them. I'm not so bad anymore as I don't look when they are doing it but I was looking the whole time while they were doing this. I was terrified I was 20 and I was going to have a baby. I didn't know what to do. I was dating this other guy by now and we were starting to get serious I had only gone to my ex to talk because we had fought and well the talk ended being more than a talk. I knew from the dates that my doctor gave me that it wasn't my new guy that had gotten me pregnant. I waited a week before I phoned my ex. I told him that I need to talk to him and asked him to come over. Once he come over I asked him if we could go for a walk and well before I could tell him anything I had to stop because morning sickness hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat on the sidewalk throwing my guts up while he held back my hair.  Somehow he always seemed to do things like that. After I felt a little better, I moved because if I stayed there I sure would have gotten sick again just from the shear smell of the sourness from it. I stood up and  started to walk a little. I sighed and started the only way I could and told him I was pregnant. He then tells me he's not ready to be a father and asks me to get an abortion. I told him it against my religion to have one because at conception its already a baby. We talk a little more and then he leaves.
I was due February 22, 2000, I had a bouncing baby boy on March 7,2000. The first 3 months of my pregnancy were the worst because of the morning sickness. The next 3 months I convinced ED that I was eating for the baby and then the last 3 the baby kept his feet up in my rips and pressed and my bladder.
He is now almost 16, time goes by so fast and most of us doesn't realize that in a blink of an eye so much can change. I'm still battling my demons from the time I was 16 but any of you who are 16 now don't let that be you. EATING DISORDERS KILL!
There are so many complications from them that you can die from. Search it up on Google. I'm not putting it in here because I don't want this to be Pro-Ana or Pro-Mia. The warning signs of Eating disorders are on google too. They do kill, take it from me. I've lost some good friends to both Anorexia and Bulimia, neither disease is pretty. Anorexia ruined my life, it'll ruin yours too. The only good thing I got out of it is a son and a very loving and supportive husband.

Peace and Love,

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